Ros de Virieux

I ran away from home after my youngest son finished school. I left my two gorgeous Gen Y boys in the family home, packed my car and headed north towards the sun. People generally put me into two categories – very brave or very stupid (although they rarely say I’m stupid – but you can tell when they looked at you with raised eyebrows, nod their head knowingly and have that ‘oh yeah’ look in their eyes – insert mid-life crisis here). There were a lot of reasons why I left home; the main reason came straight from my own sons Gen Y philosophies – it was all about ME.

I love me sons with my life; they are not the reason I left home. I left because I needed to know who I was; I needed the space to develop my own personal identity. I needed to walk away from the familiar, loosen the ties that bound, erase the memories that wept and emerge from the security of being invisible. For the last 17 years as a single mum I  devoted my essence and being towards developing my boys to be good, social, community adults (which they are and I’m very proud of the young men they have become). I went to university to secure employment so I could send them to one of the best private schools in the country. They didn’t have everything they wanted, but they did have everything they needed plus a bit extra; while I always had the burnt chop. I, myself had multiple identities; a mum, their mates second mum, a friend, an employee, self employed social worker, a neighbour, etc, but to ask if the real Ros could please stand up – she was no-where to be found. So who was I? That’s what I wanted to find on a journey of self discovery. And no – it was not a mid-life crisis – it was just about me; it was my time for me.

So the difference is that I’m now a minimalist – no abundance of electronic equipment (insert TV and mini hi-fi), I have white furniture without the fear of dirty feet/clothing, spilt food/drink, I eat what I want and when I want, I can listen to my own music without it being drowned out by the doof doof coming from the next room and, I can come and go as I please; I fill my weekends up with what I want to do; I write, read, listen to music and play on my laptop; I sometimes go to archery, sometimes I walk along the beach, sometimes I go out for lunch, sometimes I meet friends and sometimes I travel around the surrounds discovering this great country of ours. Do you see what’s emerging here – most of these things I have learnt from my boys – Gen Y have got it so right!! Am I happy? Yes I am, but I also get sad – I miss my boys with all my heart – but not enough to live with them again – short visits are great – lol.

So is running away worth it? If you want to find the real you – yes it is. If you want things to change, remember you are the only one that can do that – you can’t change other people or situations to fit you – nor should you try, because it will always end badly. To make positive change, you must change your thinking, your perspective and your attitude. It’s about being honest with yourself and having a desire to discover who you really are, by determine your own capabilities, broadening your outlook and, occasionally take a back seat into your own life and if you don’t like what you see, create change. But most of all, don’t be afraid to dream or to have hope, and learn to live and love unconditionally by doing no harm and understanding that no-one’s perfect, especially you. So run away if you must, but without sincere contemplation and a desire for true change, you will only ever be changing locations, because you will always, always take yourself with you.

Leave a comment if you have ever run away and if this worked out for you.